What a season the Lord has me in. For well over a year, I had spent much of my time crying out to God. In places I felt I lacked, He found creative ways to highlight what it was we actually needed and subsequently provide for those. He would tap me on the shoulder and remind me to pray, to be humble, to hold my tongue, to trust that He would guide my steps in this desert. I started feeling like it was unfair that several people I knew had certain things or at least access to them.

Finally, I had come to terms that even if God never lit a single candle to my musical passions, which I desperately desired and felt made the most sense to pursue and in His name, that I would not let Him go. Even my biggest and strongest passion and desire had to come under submission to the unforeseeable future bound together in God’s will- even if that will was for me to walk away. Started listening to sermons online that really challenged me on this; sermons that brought me to my knees and deep repentance. This was October 2018.

Having a sobered perspective, I pressed on and did life the best I could with my munchkins having very little resources at my disposal. Every emotion one could feel, I felt during this time. Every reason to let go, I considered. The loneliness, the poverty, the worries that health issues or health care would snatch one of us away, the worry of what would happen to my children, the feelings of defeat, helplessness, and unfairness when something did happen to them at the hands of others.

At this present moment, it has been 18 months since I have been a regular attendee of church. At first it was voluntary and then, it swiftly became involuntary. We went 11 months without a car, walking the city, delaying or modifying appointments, and hesistantly seeking help from others close to us.

It was a lot, but I kept praying. My faith was tested, and I had to accept the fact that things may not get better.
I learned that Satan’s foremost ‘playing field’ is our mind. He knows if he can sneak one lie in there, that it won’t take long for our whole ‘system’ to be disabled. Had some supernatural things happen along the way where God reminded me that He was there and still required reverence even in this wilderness- even as a nomad.

I felt, and in some ways, still do feel like Elijah when he was fed by ravens during his time in the wilderness. I began to wonder if we would be consuming ‘bread’ the remainder of our lives.

The word I picked last year for 2020 was ‘Blossoming’. By the end of 2019, I had a strong feeling of hopefulness and that God would begin to bloom all of the seeds that He had planted in me and for me in that year. Not long after the year started, the crucial help I was receiving for certain things had changed to where it would be less and less frequent. The future was looking bleak and hard transitions had to be made.

By March, however, things began to turn a new leaf. It was small at first, and then things really took off. Blessings and gifts from on high came one after the other. Prayers that we had been praying for several months and even longer than a year were answered. Desires that we had we were allowed to finally be granted.

The Lord is good, and He has been good to us from the very beginning. My lamentations do not outweigh His glory and mercy; His tenderness and kindness to us during this time.

I am happy to report that we-my family and I- are in a season of abundance. That it seems that our famine has come to an end. I cannot speak for tomorrow, but today, I celebrate the goodness of the Lord over our lives. His timing is impeccable, and I wouldn’t have wanted things any other way.

Thank you, Lord.


{3 May 2020}