For the longest time I had thought I was saved. At the age of nine, I read the sinner’s prayer in the back of the children’s Bible I had and felt that that had saved me. Over the years, I went to church, studied the Scriptures, served in the church, and basically lived a squeaky clean lifestyle. I didn’t go to parties, I didn’t cuss, I didn’t drink, I was often seen as the voice of reason and the girl that stayed out of trouble. If legalism had a poster child, I would be that girl.
After I graduated high school, however, my life took a rather dramatic turn. I joined the military and started receiving attention from guys. From 18 to 21, I lived a life plagued with immorality, bad relationships, and much heartbreak, all the while trying to maintain a moralistic/Christian status quo. What that left me with was frustration, depression, a fatherless baby, and a hardened heart towards God.
I didn’t get it. Why wasn’t my good morals saving me? Why wasn’t it enough to give me peace? To mend relationships? To remove the pain? Suicidal and distressed, I talked with a friend from church and she invited me over to her house. What I gained from that night – priceless. The Lord really used her to show me that I was trusting in the wrong person. I was trusting in me! I had trusted in myself and my works to not only save me, but sanctify me as well. What the Lord really showed me was that I was trusting in myself to do the impossible. Only Christ could save me. Only Christ could sanctify. And only His work on the cross was what could truly set me free.
Once I realized that, it was truly freeing. I gave my life to the Lord, and for the first time, I was able to experience His peace, which was beyond what I could ever understand. The worst of sinners able to stand justified and named amongst the children of God. The Lord Jesus saved me from my own worst enemy- myself, and I owe Him my life.